Growing pains are exactly that, a pain! However the result is always worth it. I’m very grateful I spent time in counselling and therapy before my father passed because I can’t imagine what space I would be in mentally if I didn’t go through the process of resentment, communication, forgiveness then ultimately, grieving and growth.
When it comes to our feelings, we have to learn to be honest. “I’m fine” may cut it with certain people but it should never be the answer you give yourself if you know it’s false. Don’t pretend you don’t feel something when you do. Verbalise how you feel, ask yourself why you feel that way, then give yourself advice on how best you can handle it. This is what I call internal growth.
External growth for me is all about what you accept on the outside of your life. There is growth in understanding the difference between what you used to tolerate versus what you tolerate now. From the way a friend used to treat you versus how you choose to treat yourself now. You can’t operate on the same levels you did at 16. Some things you used to accept can no longer work and it’s okay for you to value yourself differently and even feel a sense of pride as a result of that new valuation. We often feel bad for increasing our value but just because others can’t see the value in you, it doesn’t mean that the asset you are, needs to depreciate. Sometimes, people do see the future value in us and as a result of that potential, if they can’t handle it they may try to put you down or drain you. Take care of your external growth and the energy you allow around that future potential and your present self.
“That’s a bit direct.” – This was my friend’s response when I told her that everybody new who wants to enter my life will be asked, “What’s your intention?”
I’m in a directional space with my life and I need to know that even if we aren’t heading in the same direction, we aren’t going to interrupt or hinder each other’s journey. I’ve been through a few situations where someone hasn’t had any proper intentions with what they wanted from me and as a result, they have treated me any way they want. I am in a space of intention and nothing else will do. If your intention isn’t clear to me, I will ask you directly and if you aren’t clear I will make it clear that there has to be a distance between us until there is clarity in your intention. Understand that the intentions some people set for you aren’t necessarily bad/toxic but at times there may be certain expectations they are hiding in their intention. For example, someone’s intention may be to become your friend because they like your drive but their hidden expectation is that you’ll introduce them to one of your smart, single friends. When people don’t reveal their hidden expectations it can look like bad intentions and you can feel used. Use discernment always and trust your gut when it comes to looking at the intentions others have for you.
I’m aware that I am meticulous with my relationships but I’m also usually around great energy because I take my personal space very seriously. When people say, “Wow Bola, your friends are amazing or you know so many smart and successful people.” after I say thank you I let people know this isn’t an accident. Choose your life on purpose. Choose your energy on purpose. Choose your friends on purpose. Choose your finances on purpose. Stop letting your life choose you and you choose it. The world is your stage, you decide what role you want to play. I’ll be damned if someone tells me everything I’ve overcome emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually (don’t get me started) and financially is out of ‘luck’. I work hard to be this good and the good Lord does the rest on my behalf.
So every day, without apology, choose growth and choose the intentions of your life.