From the future: A letter to my 16 year-old self

Hey you,

You’re 16, you’ve already experienced your first heartbreak and you’re just finishing your GCSE’s. Regardless you just get on with it because that’s what you do.

You start at Richmond college and you decide that this is a new leaf for you. In secondary school, you had a “crew” ? and you were about a different life but college is a new chapter for you. You start dating a guy and you really like him and he really likes you (and he’s tall! You thought you’d never be able to find someone because of your height ?). Things are going great for you but he’s started talking real sexual with you and that makes you nervous cause you’re not on it. You’re honest with him and you tell him you want to wait till marriage. He seems respectful of it and you continue dating (yay for abstinence). One day, he’s not so respectful and he starts to list all the things he’s done for you. He tells you to get out because he’s now clocked you’re REALLY not going to sleep with him. Anyways, deuces to that loser ? (I mean God bless).
Moving on, let’s get back to college.

Your sister went to the same college as you and became President of the Student Union. The representation you got from hearing her do it makes you want to go for it as well and that’s exactly what you do. As soon as you get comfortable in your role as a leader, people are quick to tell you you’ve changed. You run to your office and cry, scared that no one will want to be your friend because of the position of power you’re in. A friend reminds you that this comes with the territory. You boss up and keep it moving. You learn how to treat people better and you still have friends, in fact, you even gain friends. Yay ?.Onto uni.

Uni you keep yourself to yourself, you’re good with your friends back home so you’re not on it at uni. I think No New Friends by Drake comes out and you take it so seriously. The first year becomes a struggle when you deal with the loss of someone you know. I think it’s your first time dealing with loss and you learn that there’s no guidebook on how to deal with losing someone. That loss teaches you to live a fuller life and keep striving because no one knows when their last day is. You go on to become ACS President and that’s the first time people get to know you. Your boyfriend at the time says he’s not ready for everyone to know you like that but don’t worry sis, he’ll be gone soon cause he clearly has no behaviour ? . Oh did I mention you repeat your 1st year? Yup, you end up doing 4 years in uni and instead of choosing to see it as an embarrassment, you take stride in your lessons because you promise yourself you’ll grow from them. At the end of four years, you get your results and you get a 2.2. Clearly, the devil is a liar because there’s no way….

Summer 2014, upon receiving your results you’re in tears upon tears. You call your sister from Australia and you explain that you feel SO dumb. You walk around like you’re so smart and you’re all this and you’re all that and that’s what you get? It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, you are now a failure and failures hide. When uni people want to link up, you leave the group chat. You start making excuses and you become a recluse. For the first time in your life, you taste depression.

2015 is somewhat of a better year. You become closer to your extended family and you feel like you have a better sense of belonging and understanding of your heritage. You get a job and that year is pretty okay. You start your blogs too! 2016 comes on and it feels great, until things take a turn for the worst and once again, depression hits. You cry a lot and you’re not on being seen. It takes you about 3 months before you decide that you can’t sleep through the day and work through the night, you’re mid 20’s after all. This should be some of the best years of your life.

It’s 2017 and while it hasn’t finished I can tell you this. You’ve always been ambitious, you’ve always been slightly misunderstood, you’ve lost some friends, people have hurt you, you’ve hurt people too, you lost some of your control and gave it to boys who could see you weren’t as tough as everyone thought you were. But the constant in your life has been  God and through that, you’ve always found your way back home. With Him, you never feel lost and alone. You have so many ambitions but I hope you never stop dreaming and I hope you always stay close to God. It’s the only way you’re going to survive this life.